i woke up this morning to a beeping alarm clock. Quarter to ten, and church starts at 10:30. ah well, Laura isn't here so i can show up right at 10:30 and slide into the pew, barely noticed, like a ninja stealthily gliding under the radar. (my lovely and gorgeous girlfriend headed back to Kingston last week, and i miss her terribly, but it has thus given me an excuse to push the sleep-in limits on a sunday morning, thanx babe ;)
and so here i am sliding in beside Laura's brother-in-law Ethan as i joined the already singing congregation in Here I Am to Worship. I love music. I love the balance between simplicity and complexity and how good music can find itself at both poles of the spectrum. I love singing, somehow it is wired into my DNA to sing, and few things give me more enjoyment than singing. But there is a time to sing and a time listen. altho sunday morning worship is generally a time to sing, i found myself actually listening. it was beautiful. not so much the worship team (altho they were very good) but i was tuning my ear to the collective sound of the congregation. a group of people well over 500 people bringing their voices together and raising up a beautiful offering to the Lord. the sound made me pause in my thought process, it gripped me as something truly meaningful that was taking place. it occurred to me that among this many people there must be a good number of people who have strong voices and can hold a tune. but it also occured to me that there must be some people with lousy voices, and not to offend them, but couldn't hold one note of a tune if they were offered a billion dollars. and this is why, it was so incredibly beautiful to me. it struck me as a great picture of community. our lives are much like voices. sometimes they're strong, sometimes, they're weak. sometimes they're in tune, sometimes they aren't. sometimes, they crack and there are highs and there are lows. but when we're all committed to each as a community our voices blend together to make one beautiful sound. if there is one thing i've noticed about a large group singing together, is that unless you're right up beside someone, you cannot hear individual voices, they are bleed into each other and its always in tune. those sharp and those flat and those right on key are all come together to form a sound much more grand. and perhaps it is those voices her are on key that carry those slightly askew. and isn't that how community should be? those lives that are strong, and on key, help carry those who are maybe feeling a little flat. and amidst all of this the tune of the community grows stronger, almost as one thunderous voice. i want to be part of a community like that. sometimes in life im beat. and i need someone to carry my tune, cuz sometimes i feel a little flat. but also there are sometimes when i feel strong, and i don't think i reach to out enough, to those who could use some comfort, some encouragement, some love.
the harmony that comes forth from a community singing/living in sync, no matter how well or poor their individual voices/lives may be, is truly something more than human.
a suggestion: next time you're in a worship service with a large amount of people, pause for a moment and listen. its beautiful.
Sunday, May 29, 2005
Tuesday, April 5, 2005
pre-cooked bacon and 28.8 dial-up modems
if you haven't noticed our society moves at near lightspeed. we want everything to be faster and faster. if i can't have what i want in 5 seconds then its too slow. sorry i can't wait for 10 min. to fry some bacon i need to by the pre-cooked crap that i pop into the microwave for literally 10 seconds and there i have hot cooked bacon.
14.4 modems turned into 28.8 which turned in 56.6 until we felt like we could get corn rows faster than we could load a website on your Intel 486 processors. Now we have cable modems, Pentium fours and we get anxious when it takes more than 3 seconds. life is getting faster. its moving a greater pace and sometimes i feel myself lagging behind. see life gets faster but we get used to the pace and we want it faster. now instant isn't even good enough soon we're going to want things before we want them, if thats even possible. but i think you get my point.
all this to say that the point is that society breeds in us a healthy sensitivity for discontent. the idea is that the only thing that could honestly make a society that has too much want more is discontent. the problem is that we let society make us discontent with last years model, as if somehow our value is less because the newest model is out and we don't have it NOW. somehow i feel less of a person because i have a dial-up modem instead of a cable one. im not content with what i have, i need more, i need faster, i need... etc. (or i want more, i want faster, i want... etc.)
this need/want for more or faster is rooted in discontent.
the thing is that we, as Christians, tend to get this same attitude. we're not happy where God has us, whether physically or spiritually. we want to be on to the next stage of our journey with Christ. i mean what happens when someone in an instant society is in the slow process of spiritual formation? discontent. "be anxious for nothing..." (phil.4:6) i mean there is a reason Paul says this. if we got everything we wanted, when we wanted it we would never take the time to appreciate where God has us today.
sometimes i think that we think we're worshipping God, when a lot of times we're just worshipping our own gratification of personal progression.
as followers of Christ, as beings still being formed by the Creator it is essential for us to realize that we need to be truly grateful for where God has us today. we have to know that our value doesn't come from the fact that we can progress and only when we are progressing are we valuable. no our value comes from the simple fact that God loves us. does Christ want us to progress spiritually? and emotionally and physically for that matter? YES. but being discontent with where you are now is only showing a disregard for the work Christ is doing within you today.
14.4 modems turned into 28.8 which turned in 56.6 until we felt like we could get corn rows faster than we could load a website on your Intel 486 processors. Now we have cable modems, Pentium fours and we get anxious when it takes more than 3 seconds. life is getting faster. its moving a greater pace and sometimes i feel myself lagging behind. see life gets faster but we get used to the pace and we want it faster. now instant isn't even good enough soon we're going to want things before we want them, if thats even possible. but i think you get my point.
all this to say that the point is that society breeds in us a healthy sensitivity for discontent. the idea is that the only thing that could honestly make a society that has too much want more is discontent. the problem is that we let society make us discontent with last years model, as if somehow our value is less because the newest model is out and we don't have it NOW. somehow i feel less of a person because i have a dial-up modem instead of a cable one. im not content with what i have, i need more, i need faster, i need... etc. (or i want more, i want faster, i want... etc.)
this need/want for more or faster is rooted in discontent.
the thing is that we, as Christians, tend to get this same attitude. we're not happy where God has us, whether physically or spiritually. we want to be on to the next stage of our journey with Christ. i mean what happens when someone in an instant society is in the slow process of spiritual formation? discontent. "be anxious for nothing..." (phil.4:6) i mean there is a reason Paul says this. if we got everything we wanted, when we wanted it we would never take the time to appreciate where God has us today.
sometimes i think that we think we're worshipping God, when a lot of times we're just worshipping our own gratification of personal progression.
as followers of Christ, as beings still being formed by the Creator it is essential for us to realize that we need to be truly grateful for where God has us today. we have to know that our value doesn't come from the fact that we can progress and only when we are progressing are we valuable. no our value comes from the simple fact that God loves us. does Christ want us to progress spiritually? and emotionally and physically for that matter? YES. but being discontent with where you are now is only showing a disregard for the work Christ is doing within you today.
Saturday, March 19, 2005
coping with the unexpected travesty of existence
Being (divine in nature), creates a creation in likeness to itself. creation, after certain decisions, finds itself disconnected from Creator. creation is now faced with the undaunting responsibility of existence, isolated from the very Creator that sustains life.
this is what i think sin is: a coping mechanism.
we all have them right? whether they're public or secret, obvious or inconspicuous, sins are there just waiting for us to accept their tempting offer to relieve the pressures that come with existing. our beings (body, soul, spirit) weren't made to handle all that existing entails, separated from our Creator. that is why we sin, to cope with the parts of life that are too much to handle.
im trying to see sin this way. because when i sin its proof that somewhere im not depending on God. its like a flag goes up and i realize that im trying t cope with some aspect of life/existence that is beyond what i can handle. instead of trusting Christ that He will walk me through it, i take the quick and easy way around it, i just cope. except i find that i never got around it.
and so whether i explode with rage, or become anal retentive with control, whether i become consumed with lust or lulled to sleep in apathy by the idolatry of a church pew, whether i become puffed up with pride or gluttony, all im doing is finding a way to get through life. but its all just coping; taking the quick fix. its like eating a cracker because a steak would take too long to cook.
and so i picture Christ dragging that cross to the top of that hill, i realize He has become the answer to my endless cycle of emptiness that ensues from coping. and this is what i need to remember, that i don't have to cope. i don't have to anymore, Christ is there everytime just waiting, with arms opened wide, waiting, for me to say, 'i can't do this, it's too much for me. even me, though i have been a disciple for so long, i need you.' and oh that i would say that more often. more often i need to concede that life is too big for me.
this is what i think sin is: a coping mechanism.
we all have them right? whether they're public or secret, obvious or inconspicuous, sins are there just waiting for us to accept their tempting offer to relieve the pressures that come with existing. our beings (body, soul, spirit) weren't made to handle all that existing entails, separated from our Creator. that is why we sin, to cope with the parts of life that are too much to handle.
im trying to see sin this way. because when i sin its proof that somewhere im not depending on God. its like a flag goes up and i realize that im trying t cope with some aspect of life/existence that is beyond what i can handle. instead of trusting Christ that He will walk me through it, i take the quick and easy way around it, i just cope. except i find that i never got around it.
and so whether i explode with rage, or become anal retentive with control, whether i become consumed with lust or lulled to sleep in apathy by the idolatry of a church pew, whether i become puffed up with pride or gluttony, all im doing is finding a way to get through life. but its all just coping; taking the quick fix. its like eating a cracker because a steak would take too long to cook.
and so i picture Christ dragging that cross to the top of that hill, i realize He has become the answer to my endless cycle of emptiness that ensues from coping. and this is what i need to remember, that i don't have to cope. i don't have to anymore, Christ is there everytime just waiting, with arms opened wide, waiting, for me to say, 'i can't do this, it's too much for me. even me, though i have been a disciple for so long, i need you.' and oh that i would say that more often. more often i need to concede that life is too big for me.
Wednesday, March 9, 2005
de[vices]: CD Players and Church Services.
this week at school we've been priveledged to have Dr. Marva Dawn with us doing a series of lectures. the lectures have been very good and i have enjoyed her a lot. she has been talking about consumerism in society and how it affects the church. she used analogy about something and it stuck with me and got me thinking and i want to use her analogy to make my own connection. she explained how our society has moved into a society based on devices. for example: if you had a child and you had two choices either to give them a guitar and guitar lessons or give them a CD player with 3 CDs, which would be better in the long run? well naturally we see that learning how to play music on a guitar is far better in the long run then giving them a CD player with 3 CDs. give a kid a chance to learn guitar (or any instrument) they form a number of relationships; with their teacher, fellow students, strengthen relationship with parents, with the audiences, etc...this does not happen with a CD player and CDs. if anything a CD player tends to isolate us while we listen. also the guitar forces us to be participants in the music and active. the CD player renders us passive; inactive...lazy. not only do we not learn music but we are always looking for the next big thing. we're always looking for the next cool CD because we grow tired of the CDs we have and we need something new, it becomes less about producing music and more about being entertained by music.
the question then is: has our weekly church services become our CD players? in the music world only a small portion of the people put effort into making the actual music, the majority of the people, the listeners, do simply that...just listen. sounds quite familiar when i think of a church service, where a small minority actually are actively involved in producing the service while the mass majority sit by and "listen". they just take it in.
our weekly sunday morning church services have indeed become our devices. the Church has become a society in and of itself that depends on devices and those devices are our weekly services among other planned programs. they have made us utterly passive and inactive in our walk with Christ and as a Church body in large, neutering our desire to be participants in our faith. like a guiatarist that refuses to learn anymore scales and rhythms, opting for the ease of throwing in a CD to be entertained, we as the Church and as individual followers of Christ have stunted our own growth by relying on the ease of wandering into our pew to be entertained. we rely so heavily on the service to feed us our weekly supply instead of digging in and learning how ourselves. but this is more than just the individual learning not to rely of the sunday service for the rest of the week, it is about the Church as a whole learning not to lean on the crutch of an all encompassing weekly service to be the crux of our existence.
Are weekly gatherings of believers important? YES!
but perhaps the way we depend on them as the centre focal point of the "ministry" that is done through the church as infact rendered us, as a body of believers, impotent.
see CD players are not bad. they are very good. listening to music helps you know about music; what it sounds like, what notes make you feel good, what notes make you uncomfortable, what bands are popular, how to distinguish styles, etc. but all it can do is teach you about music. it can help you know about music. but it cannot help you actually KNOW music.
the question then is: has our weekly church services become our CD players? in the music world only a small portion of the people put effort into making the actual music, the majority of the people, the listeners, do simply that...just listen. sounds quite familiar when i think of a church service, where a small minority actually are actively involved in producing the service while the mass majority sit by and "listen". they just take it in.
our weekly sunday morning church services have indeed become our devices. the Church has become a society in and of itself that depends on devices and those devices are our weekly services among other planned programs. they have made us utterly passive and inactive in our walk with Christ and as a Church body in large, neutering our desire to be participants in our faith. like a guiatarist that refuses to learn anymore scales and rhythms, opting for the ease of throwing in a CD to be entertained, we as the Church and as individual followers of Christ have stunted our own growth by relying on the ease of wandering into our pew to be entertained. we rely so heavily on the service to feed us our weekly supply instead of digging in and learning how ourselves. but this is more than just the individual learning not to rely of the sunday service for the rest of the week, it is about the Church as a whole learning not to lean on the crutch of an all encompassing weekly service to be the crux of our existence.
Are weekly gatherings of believers important? YES!
but perhaps the way we depend on them as the centre focal point of the "ministry" that is done through the church as infact rendered us, as a body of believers, impotent.
see CD players are not bad. they are very good. listening to music helps you know about music; what it sounds like, what notes make you feel good, what notes make you uncomfortable, what bands are popular, how to distinguish styles, etc. but all it can do is teach you about music. it can help you know about music. but it cannot help you actually KNOW music.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
hot chocolate, the reason i hesitate in life
you know that feeling you get when you eat pizza and the sauce is incredibly hot and it burns the roof of your mouth? yeah. i have that feeling right now. my girlfriend (Laura) and i went to see a movie tonight, but we were early so we went and grabbed a coffee first. i don't like coffee so i got a hot chocolate. we were sitting there enjoying our time together and i was drinking away at my hot chocolate surprised that it wasn't so hot that i could drink it. when all of a sudden i took a big swig. there i sat with a mouth full of hot chocolate paralyzed from the heat that was now burning away the neurons on my tongue, cheeks and roof of my mouth. it was so hot that i had no other choice than to spit it back out onto the table. i know it was pretty grosse but i had to, there was just no physical way that my mouth could withstand such agony.
it got me thinking though, later on. the next time i have a hot chocolate im probably going to triple check to make sure that it isn't going to burn my mouth. why? cuz im afraid. im afraid of pain and hurt. if i can i do my best to keep myself safe from pain. i wonder why this is? why is it so natural for a human to stay away from pain, hurt, suffering. i know that my example is quite a small incident of pain, but i hope you have realized that i've moved into a larger arena now. im not just talking about a paper cut, or a spraned ankle anymore. im talking about any kind of emotional or physical pain. we hide. we imprison ourselves inside walls of safety. we play the safe game; the no-risk game. i feel shame about myself whenever i think of Christ marching his way to Golgotha. when i think of the garden of Gethsamne, knowing that there were more than a dozen escape routes out of that garden that night and He chose to wait and let them take Him to His death. He had a bigger plan than just preserving His life. and i wonder if my plan is any bigger than trying to preserve my life. deep down i want to be like Him but rarely do i live that way. i want to live in such a way that i don't fear pain or suffering or even death. for i believe that is precisely the life that Christ has called me to live.
a life of risk. am i even to live a life of risk? for "risking it" would imply that i know that there is a possibility there could be pain, but im going to "risk it" hoping that i come out on top; that i beat the odds and escape the hurt. but i believe we are called to just do it (whatever it is) regardless of the outcome, wanting neither pain nor pleasure, or realizing that shouldn't be the focus. the point is that my life needs to be spent and the fear of pain isn't going to paralyze me anymore (or at least that is what i hope and pray).
it got me thinking though, later on. the next time i have a hot chocolate im probably going to triple check to make sure that it isn't going to burn my mouth. why? cuz im afraid. im afraid of pain and hurt. if i can i do my best to keep myself safe from pain. i wonder why this is? why is it so natural for a human to stay away from pain, hurt, suffering. i know that my example is quite a small incident of pain, but i hope you have realized that i've moved into a larger arena now. im not just talking about a paper cut, or a spraned ankle anymore. im talking about any kind of emotional or physical pain. we hide. we imprison ourselves inside walls of safety. we play the safe game; the no-risk game. i feel shame about myself whenever i think of Christ marching his way to Golgotha. when i think of the garden of Gethsamne, knowing that there were more than a dozen escape routes out of that garden that night and He chose to wait and let them take Him to His death. He had a bigger plan than just preserving His life. and i wonder if my plan is any bigger than trying to preserve my life. deep down i want to be like Him but rarely do i live that way. i want to live in such a way that i don't fear pain or suffering or even death. for i believe that is precisely the life that Christ has called me to live.
a life of risk. am i even to live a life of risk? for "risking it" would imply that i know that there is a possibility there could be pain, but im going to "risk it" hoping that i come out on top; that i beat the odds and escape the hurt. but i believe we are called to just do it (whatever it is) regardless of the outcome, wanting neither pain nor pleasure, or realizing that shouldn't be the focus. the point is that my life needs to be spent and the fear of pain isn't going to paralyze me anymore (or at least that is what i hope and pray).
Friday, February 4, 2005
where Orthodoxy meets the Mentally Disabled
disclaimer: i do admit that i may perhaps misunderstand terms that i use from time to time. it happens because i am a learning being myself. if such is the case, please feel free to correct me, but i ask that you would also forgive me.
i grew up with a younger sister. she's one of the most genuine people i know. she's almost always laughing and just enjoying life wherever she finds herself. she never acts of out spite, she never holds a grudge, she never speaks badly about you and she would never hate you. she loves being outside watching animals and soaking in the sun. she loves listening and dancing to music and she loves playing games. my sister is mentally, and somewhat physically, disabled. my sister and others like her, aren't what you would call 'normal'. living with them is not a walk in the park; it's demanding and it's draining at times. living with them is also invaluable.
normal people on the other hand are, well, normal. we prefer to interact and relate with normal people. it's less work to figure out how a normal person functions. its comfortable when you don't have to stretch your patience inorder to understand what they are trying to say. it's easy.
orthodox beliefs are a lot like normal people. we like orthodox beliefs because they are true. we like them because they are comfortable and secure; they confirm what we already believe. they don't rub us the wrong way and irritate us. we don't have to wrestle with them necessarily because for the most part they are pretty straight-forward so all we have to do is accept them, respect them. they're easy. i find, however, that normal people, in the face of one mentally disabled, can be inadequate at times. in this same way, i find that orthodoxy can also be inadequate at times in the face of liberalism and (dare i say it) perhaps even some heresy.
but how can truth be inadequate to a lie? valid question, however, i don't think that it breaks down that simple. if we look at our parallel with normal people and disabled people, what we find is quite remarkable. they are both human. they are people. except one is harder to engage. its less conventional and it takes more time and effort to make a connection and reach a level of closeness. this is what i have found from living with my sister. she has a different way about her, yes, but more often then not i find myself the one learning from her. if one takes the time to engage and spend themselves to get to know someone who is disabled, that person will find they will learn deeper truths about life then if they sat in a classroom for twenty years. the same can be true for someone who is willing to take the time to engage those ideas, however liberal they are. chances are there is some nugget of truth buried deep inside and wrestling with it will help that person enearth the orthodoxy within the liberalism or heresy.
i am not saying to throw away orthodoxy, it is in fact truth. but in the same way that you would respect a disabled person as a human, as much as a normal person, respect the liberal idea like the orthodox idea, often there is a deep truth in there.
no one is arrogant enough to say that they fully understand life. do not be so arrogant to say that orthodoxy cannot expand, allow your beliefs to be challenged, questioned, doubted. wrestle with those thoughts less orthordox then you're used to, guaranteed you'll find your new orthodoxy stronger than your old.
living with my sister i have learned that life lessons and truths can be learned from the most unlikely of people. always realizing that no matter how disabled, they are still people with lessons to teach. and no matter how normal i am, i am still a broken man with lessons to be learned.
i grew up with a younger sister. she's one of the most genuine people i know. she's almost always laughing and just enjoying life wherever she finds herself. she never acts of out spite, she never holds a grudge, she never speaks badly about you and she would never hate you. she loves being outside watching animals and soaking in the sun. she loves listening and dancing to music and she loves playing games. my sister is mentally, and somewhat physically, disabled. my sister and others like her, aren't what you would call 'normal'. living with them is not a walk in the park; it's demanding and it's draining at times. living with them is also invaluable.
normal people on the other hand are, well, normal. we prefer to interact and relate with normal people. it's less work to figure out how a normal person functions. its comfortable when you don't have to stretch your patience inorder to understand what they are trying to say. it's easy.
orthodox beliefs are a lot like normal people. we like orthodox beliefs because they are true. we like them because they are comfortable and secure; they confirm what we already believe. they don't rub us the wrong way and irritate us. we don't have to wrestle with them necessarily because for the most part they are pretty straight-forward so all we have to do is accept them, respect them. they're easy. i find, however, that normal people, in the face of one mentally disabled, can be inadequate at times. in this same way, i find that orthodoxy can also be inadequate at times in the face of liberalism and (dare i say it) perhaps even some heresy.
but how can truth be inadequate to a lie? valid question, however, i don't think that it breaks down that simple. if we look at our parallel with normal people and disabled people, what we find is quite remarkable. they are both human. they are people. except one is harder to engage. its less conventional and it takes more time and effort to make a connection and reach a level of closeness. this is what i have found from living with my sister. she has a different way about her, yes, but more often then not i find myself the one learning from her. if one takes the time to engage and spend themselves to get to know someone who is disabled, that person will find they will learn deeper truths about life then if they sat in a classroom for twenty years. the same can be true for someone who is willing to take the time to engage those ideas, however liberal they are. chances are there is some nugget of truth buried deep inside and wrestling with it will help that person enearth the orthodoxy within the liberalism or heresy.
i am not saying to throw away orthodoxy, it is in fact truth. but in the same way that you would respect a disabled person as a human, as much as a normal person, respect the liberal idea like the orthodox idea, often there is a deep truth in there.
no one is arrogant enough to say that they fully understand life. do not be so arrogant to say that orthodoxy cannot expand, allow your beliefs to be challenged, questioned, doubted. wrestle with those thoughts less orthordox then you're used to, guaranteed you'll find your new orthodoxy stronger than your old.
living with my sister i have learned that life lessons and truths can be learned from the most unlikely of people. always realizing that no matter how disabled, they are still people with lessons to teach. and no matter how normal i am, i am still a broken man with lessons to be learned.
Friday, January 21, 2005
Getting Started
hello. this is my blog and i had to get one so that i could make posts on other peoples blogs.
so here we go.
so here we go.
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