you know that feeling you get when you eat pizza and the sauce is incredibly hot and it burns the roof of your mouth? yeah. i have that feeling right now. my girlfriend (Laura) and i went to see a movie tonight, but we were early so we went and grabbed a coffee first. i don't like coffee so i got a hot chocolate. we were sitting there enjoying our time together and i was drinking away at my hot chocolate surprised that it wasn't so hot that i could drink it. when all of a sudden i took a big swig. there i sat with a mouth full of hot chocolate paralyzed from the heat that was now burning away the neurons on my tongue, cheeks and roof of my mouth. it was so hot that i had no other choice than to spit it back out onto the table. i know it was pretty grosse but i had to, there was just no physical way that my mouth could withstand such agony.
it got me thinking though, later on. the next time i have a hot chocolate im probably going to triple check to make sure that it isn't going to burn my mouth. why? cuz im afraid. im afraid of pain and hurt. if i can i do my best to keep myself safe from pain. i wonder why this is? why is it so natural for a human to stay away from pain, hurt, suffering. i know that my example is quite a small incident of pain, but i hope you have realized that i've moved into a larger arena now. im not just talking about a paper cut, or a spraned ankle anymore. im talking about any kind of emotional or physical pain. we hide. we imprison ourselves inside walls of safety. we play the safe game; the no-risk game. i feel shame about myself whenever i think of Christ marching his way to Golgotha. when i think of the garden of Gethsamne, knowing that there were more than a dozen escape routes out of that garden that night and He chose to wait and let them take Him to His death. He had a bigger plan than just preserving His life. and i wonder if my plan is any bigger than trying to preserve my life. deep down i want to be like Him but rarely do i live that way. i want to live in such a way that i don't fear pain or suffering or even death. for i believe that is precisely the life that Christ has called me to live.
a life of risk. am i even to live a life of risk? for "risking it" would imply that i know that there is a possibility there could be pain, but im going to "risk it" hoping that i come out on top; that i beat the odds and escape the hurt. but i believe we are called to just do it (whatever it is) regardless of the outcome, wanting neither pain nor pleasure, or realizing that shouldn't be the focus. the point is that my life needs to be spent and the fear of pain isn't going to paralyze me anymore (or at least that is what i hope and pray).
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7 comments:
Mmmm....Hot Chocolate.
are you just trying to start an argument. hah
Stick with chocolate milk Darryl. Darn good thing it wasn't a first date.
so then Ryan, would say that Hosea's behaviour was maladaptive behaviour? i mean clearly marrying a prostitute is anticipating heartahce.
"Remember that first time that you were hurt as an adolescent? After that you weren't the same again, because now you know what it's like to be hurt."
now i would say that now you know what its like to be hurt yes, but it depends on what you do with that hurt because perhaps the adaptation itself may be more harmful if it causes you to fear pain and suffering altogether and your actions are dictated by those fears. i mean does Christ call us to be fools? i think sometimes he might.
darryl,
this is a refreshing look at how we can truely identify with Christ even though it's using something so simply at hot chocolate. Good on ya.
for Jordan:
caedmon_is_me@hotmail.com
darryl.cole.silvestri@gmail.com
you can email me at either one of those...
A friend of mine told me once. "If your never willing to open your heart up to the posibility of pain, than you can never open your heart up to the possiblity of trulying being loved". Life is an adventure of journeying towards pain, for life has alot to do with pain. I think that your post is right on, and well thought out. Keep it up man.
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